Fifty years ago, the “perfect” pastor’s wife was one who was involved in the Ladies’ Aid, taught Sunday School, was in charge of VBS, and accompanied her husband on hospital visits occasionally. Even now, sometimes it is assumed that a pastor’s wife should be active in the Church, serving on boards, showing up to funerals, and being “visible.” Those who don’t are sometimes seen as not being very supportive of the Church or their husbands’ ministry.
My feeling is that pastors’ wives serve the Church best by serving their husbands and their homes. A good pastor’s wife is one who is a Helper to her husband. Not saying that it is wrong or bad for pastor’s wives to get involved, if that is their choice. But our wives should not feel pressured to do all of the things that others do. Thankfully at Immanuel there is not a lot of pressure put on my wife. But still, it is hard to find one’s niche in a new place. I would encourage pastor’s wives to serve the Church by serving their husbands, by making a comfortable home for them, by “holding down the fort” while their husbands are ministering to others. It is a big sacrifice. It is hard work. Pastors are gone many an evening, and I know that my wife puts our kids to bed way more often by herself than together with me.
I am grateful for her willingness to do this. She is a servant of the church, but not in the way that people would expect, or used to expect of a pastor’s wife. She cares for me, and that is enough. If there is more that she wishes to do, then that is wonderful. I hope that other pastors and congregations feel the same way that I do. God bless our wives for all they do.